Unbeknownst to me, because I don’t tend to get involved in such things, my workplace offers a program to reimburse us associates for doing healthy stuff. That is, by doing certain things, like taking an assessment or joining a program, we can earn credits. Each credit equals one dollar, and as we accrue credit, we can be reimbursed for gym fees, vitamins, weight loss program fees, smoking cessation program fees, etc. Pretty cool. So today I enrolled in the weight management program (I’m so getting reimbursed for my Jazzercise fees and membership at MTM). Anyway, part of the “personalized” plan that the program put together for me includes spending a week really thinking about my weight, fitness, and health by answering these questions. I say to hell with it, I’ll do it all now.
Day 1: My Relationship with Food “For me, food is a substitute for _______. When did I learn to use food this way?”
Food isn’t really a substitute for me, it’s more of a symbol. Everytime I hung out with friends in college, every happy memory I have of my family, every celebration for my whole life has always had food involved. So I suppose I, like a lot of people, equate it with happiness. In addition, when I was a child, food was the enemy; I was very sick for the first seven years of my life, and every time I ate, it made me ill. Tossing cookies ill. Plus, I had asthma, so vigorous exercise wasn’t really an option. Then, when I was seven years old, my parents had my tonsils removed and everything changed. I wasn’t sick anymore, I could eat and not throw up! I still had asthma though, so still couldn’t get too worked up. You do the math.
Day 2: My Neglected Body “If I just listened, what would my body say to me?”
Stomach: “Stop feeding me shit!”
Heart: “Bet you wanted blood, didn’t you?”
Bones, Joints, and Muscles: (in unison) “Hell no, we won’t go! Hell no, we won’t go!”
Hair: “Get some highlights, woman.”
Day 3: My Future “What will my life be like in a year if I don’t change my eating and exercise habits? What will I look like in five years?”
If I continued on in the way I was eating and exercising a month ago, in one year I probably would have gained around 30 pounds. My blood pressure would be worse, I’d have to buy bigger clothes, I’d be even more unattractive, which would make me more depressed. In five years, I would be unrecognizable. I’d look like the Numa Numa kid.
However, if I continue doing what I’m doing now (eating healthy, limiting portions, getting an hour of exercise 4-5 days a week, and maintaining a positive attitude towards my health, fitness, and weight) one year from now, I’ll be at my goal weight, I’ll look damn hot, I’ll be healthy and feel great about myself. This, in addition to financial arrangements that I’ve set up that mean I’ll be debt-free in one year, will make life just damn near worth living.
Day 4: My Motivation “What are the five main reasons I want to manage my weight?”
1. My health. I’m perfectly healthy right now, but in 5-10 years the extra weight is going to start causing problems as I get older. Plus, it will be harder to lose as I get older. The time is now.
2. To feel better about myself. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I’m tired of wearing jeans and t-shirts because nothing else fits me or because getting dressed up with hair and makeup done won’t make a difference. I want to feel great and to think I look great for once.
3. To lower my risk of heart disease, diabetes, etc etc. I’ve seen what that can do to people. Not for me, thanks.
4. To be able to keep up with my nephew. Nothing makes him happier than for me to play baseball or football with him, or to ride bicycles with him, but my stamina is lacking. I want to outrun him someday.
5. Because I can’t afford to buy bigger clothes. As I shrink, I can wear my old clothes, hand-me-downs from people smaller than me, *and* my mother tends to buy me clothes when I lose weight.
Honorable mention: To make people jealous. Come on, now who *doesn’t* dream of running into her ex looking slim and trim and fabulous and watching him kick his own ass for ever having let her go?
Day 5: My Priorities “What will it take for me to make healthy eating a priority?”
First, easy access to healthy food. I’ve found in the past month that I’ll eat what’s available to me. If I spend a whole day at my parents’ house and there’s nothing but high-fat food lying around, I’ll eat it and justify it by saying “Well, I had to eat something, and this is all there was.” But, if I have access to healthy food, I’ve become confident enough in myself to know to that I’ll choose it instead of the bad stuff.
Second, the budget to eat healthy food. Currently I’m existing mainly on tuna and Lean Cuisine, because they’re dirt cheap, plus Kroger gives me coupons for more everytime I buy them. As I get bills paid off and get back on my feet after taking it up the butt to pay off a major credit card in three months, I’ll be able to do this.
Third, the motivation, time, and resources to start cooking at home more often. I think this will get easier when I move into a place with a kitchen that’s not three feet wide. I’m doing better already, but I’ll actually skip dinner if I’ll have to wash a sinkful of dishes just to be able to cook.
Day 6: My Self-Sabotage “How do I sabotage my efforts to eat healthy and exercise? How can I change that?”
I give myself excuses, like the one mentioned above. Going out for a team lunch means “Well, it’s a special occasion.” If I don’t have anyone to exercise with, I rarely go. When I was Jazzercising, I would intentionally bury myself in work towards the end of the day so I would have to stay later to get it finished, therefore missing my 5:30 class.
The first step I took to change this is to start looking at team lunches and special occasions in terms of money and company rather than food. If something bad for me costs more than something good for me, I’ll err on the side of budget and just focus on spending time with the people at the table. Secondly, I stopped doing Jazzercise because I realized I did not enjoy it. I hated every minute of it. Loved the way it made me feel afterwards, but I was miserable and self-conscious during the entire hour. Instead, I started doing something I love – swimming. And with a friend, too! I love swimming so much that I could even do it alone if I had to. On days I don’t swim, I try to play tennis with another friend. I find exercise much more enjoyable in the guise of competitive sports. On weekends, I look forward to running around the yard with my nephew and riding our bikes down to the river to skip rocks. All very much more enjoyable than feeling sweat roll down my buttcrack to the soothing sounds of Christina Aguilera while skinny bitches in leotards bounce around in front of me.
Day 7: My Balance Patterns “What happens to my mind score on days where I eat healthy and exercise?”
First of all, I don’t know what a mind score is. I must have overlooked that part of the reading. But, I’d say logically, that whatever it is, it goes up.
On days when I stay within my Weight Watchers Points, drink 64 ounces of water, go home and make a healthy dinner, then swim for an hour, I feel in control of my life. I feel healthy, grown-up, full of energy and optimistic.
On days when something triggers stress or loneliness or depression, I find it harder to stay within my Points, I have no motivation to exercise, and all I want in the world is a Big Mac. And when I get it and devour it, it tastes sssooooooooo good. But afterwards, I feel even worse than when I began. To counteract this, I’ve implemented a rule: I can only have McDonald’s once every nine weeks. Because there are nine letters in the name. I think this week I’m on D, but I don’t know. I’ve already forgotten about it and don’t crave it at all.
So there I have it. My entire attitude toward living, laid out for all to see. All in all, I won’t say this exercise has led me to see or do anything I wasn’t before, but there is something about seeing it in words I suppose. Now I want my money back for all those Jazzercise classes.
