Waaay much more than you ever wanted to know about me

Let’s start with love…

• Would you rather have a fun fling or a lasting relationship? I’ve had my flings. Ready to move on.
• What was your longest relationship? Sadly, I don’t even know if one could call it a relationship, but two years. Equally sad, one of my better experiences.
• What is your favorite personality trait? Sense of humor
• What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Sincerely *want* to be with me. Beyond that, I’ll take a back rub.
• When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? Clear/compatible expectations of the relationship
• Do you like pet names (ex: baby, sweetheart…)? I’m indifferent to them personally. They nauseate me when used by other couples.
• What is your ideal night out with a significant other? Walk in a park
• What is your ideal night in with a significant other? Without getting too specific, it involves massage oil and a previously-designated safe word
• Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it? Absolutely not
• Do you like relationships that involve serious commitments? Well, I’d have to actually be in one to say for sure, but I think so, probably.
• If you ever got engaged, how would you want it to happen? At home, just the two of us. No big fanfare or surprises or events.
• If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Not at all
• Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship? Not at all. Ever.
• Do you prefer a sensitive open relationship or a strong silent type? Strong silent type who knows when to open up for the benefit of the relationship
• When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? Maybe a daily phone call.
• Do you like public displays of affection? Sure.
• Is there anything you won’t tolerate while in a relationship? Physical abuse and disrespectful behavior towards my family and friends
• What is one thing that you value most in a relationship? Companionship
• Would you ever be able to handle a long-distance situation? Not again.
• Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Would you buy a car without test-driving it?

What would you do if. . .

Good Times

There’s some twisted, sadistic part of my psyche that REALLY enjoys watching American Idol auditions on YouTube. Some of them are so painful I’m embarrassed to be watching them alone in my own home.

I’m back!

I finally got my DSL configured. I’s back online! Woot!

Turning 25 is going to rock!!

I get to go to Florida for my birthday!! I’m going to ride bikes on the beach, see an alligator, eat super-fresh seafood, and ride rollercoasters at Universal Studios!

This does, of course, mean that I have to lose 40 pounds so I can fit into the rollercoaster seats.

Questions I ask myself

The Why’s 

• Why, when there’s a huge, padlocked trash bin especially for confidential documents that need to be disposed of, do I go the paper shredder instead and shred it myself?
• Why do I keep eating long after the hunger pains subside?
• Why do I listen to the same song over and over until I absolutely loathe it?
• Why did I ever get a debit card? My spending habits have skyrocketed.
• Why are there some days when I want to bounce around and laugh and sing and some when I hardly speak at all, just think a lot?
• Why is it so hard for me to get motivated to do menial things like getting a new driver’s license, filing my taxes, vaccuum my floor?
• Why do I feel so guilty for leaving my cat at home alone for the majority of the weekend?
• Why can’t one buy Big Red soda anywhere else in the country besides Indiana and Kentucky?

The How’s

• How do I tell my nephew that I can’t take him to the movie next weekend because his father is going to Michigan, so it’s going to be a whole month before I see him again?
• How do I kiss my parents goodbye when I leave without crying?
• How do I finally get some good, quality sleep?
• How do I fix everything that’s wrong?
• How does my life end up?
• How do they get the “m” on the delightful candy shell of M&M’s?
• How does he feel?

The When’s

• When will I get a job offer?
• When will it all just be okay?
• When does “The Holiday” come out on DVD?
• When will the fourth dentist finally cave and start recommending Crest?
• When will I get to go to Memphis?
• When will I finally get to do everything that I keep putting off until tomorrow?
• When will the judge issue an official ruling?
• When will my car finally break down?
• When will I get to visit my brother in Albuquerque?
• When will we get In-N-Out Burgers in the Midwest?
• When the hell is thunderstorm season going to hit? I’m ready!

The Where’s

• Where will I be in a year? Three? Ten?
• Where is he right now?
• Where would I rather be than sitting at my desk?
• Where should I travel to next?
• Where did all the years go?
• Where will my nephew go to college?
• Where did these ten extra pounds come from?
• Where are Woodhenge and Strawhenge? (see: Eddie Izzard)
• Where are half of my socks?
• Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

There are no who’s. I discovered that, for every question in my head that began with “who,” the answer was “me.”

Miscellaneous

• What am I doing?
• Does he miss me?
• Could I really?
• Do giants exist?
• What am I scared of?
• Am I somebody’s hero?
• What will he grow up to be?
• Am I showing him enough that I love him?
• Is a peanut butter and syrup sandwhich enough?
• Am I ready?
• Can I do it?
• Should I be doing this differently?
• What will I miss the most?
• Do I smile enough?
• Do I think about God enough?
• What do I believe?
• What’s it gonna take?

Protected: Happy Anniversary

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Ponder this. . .

If someone thought their life would be better off without you in it, what would that say about you?

Hmm. . .

Ignorance

In the face of your anger, I shake my head slowly and grin a mirthless laugh.  Because I know things that you could only dream.

Into the woods. . .

Into the woods,
It’s time to go,
I hate to leave,
I have to, though.
Into the woods-
It’s time, and so
I must begin my journey.

The way is clear,
The light is good,
I have no fear,
Nor no one should.
The woods are just trees,
The trees are just wood.

Into the woods
And down the dell,
The path is straight,
I know it well.
Into the woods,
And who can tell
What’s waiting on the journey?

Awesome. . .

The most heartwarming story I’ve heard in a while.  Hats off to this deserving family!

Taking Over WordPress

So here I am, a brand-new, gen-yoo-wine WordPress blogger.  Special thanks to a special friend who set me onto this site, somewhat inadvertently.  I’m in the process of cleaning up the posts I’ve imported from LiveJournal.  I should have that done sometime next year.

I was in a very “Ooh, let’s write something deep and poetic” mood earlier, but as the hours have progressed, my mind has decided not to play along.  Perhaps another day.

As It Stands

As it stands right now, here is a summary of my vacation:

It’s Thursday, and I still haven’t seen my brother.
One child custody court hearing
Six scrapbook pages finished
One book finished
Two books purchased
Two apartment cleanings
Three movies rented/seen
Six 45-minute trips taken
Three pancakes eaten as a bribe to get me to spend. . .
. . .Two hours volunteering at ACB
Three offers for free sex turned down
One three-hour-and-forty-five-minute phone call made
One million huge grins on my face when thinking about said phone call
Twenty times changing Fancy’s water because she won’t drink it
Three supernatural experiences
Four showers in six days, and not one since Tuesday morning
No makeup worn. At all.
One reconciliation with my sister
One relaxing night hanging out watching “Rent” with a good friend
One dollar movie with ex-roommate
One slumber party
Two sleepless nights
Three tears shed in the shower upon thinking of absent friends
Two hours spent stitching my best friend’s favorite clothes back together so she could keep wearing them
Four spaghetti dinners
Three-quarters of a tank of gas

And I’m tired just reading it. . . I thought I’d done absolutely nothing all week. Hmm.

October Goes

I should be over it now, I know. . .

I find myself frustrated without unfettered access to this, my journal. I try to get the thoughts in my head onto paper ere they dissipate, but it’s not as easy to do by hand. My fingers can fly across these keys as fast as my mind can fly across worlds. I guess, in some ways, I’m always writing.

October, how I’ll miss you. This night, Halloween, the kick off of the “holiday season” the way I see it. So much magic, and yet so sad. I’ll hate to see November come, but not as much as I hate to see October go.

It doesn’t matter much how old I grow. . .

Amazing, how everyone we love changes our lives, for better, for worse, forever. Regardless of how long ago you loved them, whether you still do or not, eventually you’ll find that you can’t go shopping or to a Halloween party in J-Town without worrying (hoping?) that you’ll run into him. You’ll know things like places he’s worked in the past and everytime you take the Gene Snyder exit, you’ll never NOT see, for the rest of your life, those three glowing initials that remind you of him. Or you’ll come across a picture of yourself with him and a group of friends, back when that’s what you were, at your first job during high school, and though you struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes, you can perfectly remember the taste of his lips, and oh, mercy, you won’t ever have internet service from Charter, will you? Because if something breaks, it just might be his voice you hear on the line when you call tech support.

I hate to see October go. . .

This is why I love me!!

Conversation I just had on Mojo:

lawmanrock: nice 2 meet u wut do u like 2 do 4 fun
Lesil: Correct people’s grammar and punctuation.

I laughed out loud at myself.

Dreams be Dreams and Dreamers Never Lie

We all have dreams. Some big, some little, some a bit overly-ambitious, some silly. I have several. My silly dream is to go to Memphis with someone I love and dance down Beale Street like an idiot. I suppose this dream is influenced by the Marc Cohn song “Walking in Memphis.” It has been one of my favorites for as long as I can remember.

But I can’t just go to Memphis right now. It has to be during a point in my life when I’m on top of the world, when I can honestly walk with my feet ten feet of of Beale. I’ll go to The Hollywood and see the piano where Muriel played for so long, and if they ask me to do a little number, I’ll sing with all my might. And if anyone asks me if I’m a Christian, I’ll say “Man, I am tonight!” And then go walking in Memphis, and question whether I really feel the way I feel.

Someday. . . soon I’ll be out of debt. Soon I’ll have someone who loves me back. There’s a change a-coming, I can feel it. Soon, I’ll get to Memphis. And I’ll fly first class.

*takes a deep breath*

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

I’m tired of people making disparaging remarks about people I love. You can say anything you want about me, but when you start making judgemental, rude, insensitive, and unwarranted remarks about people I love and respect, it’s personal. I don’t care what your opinion is – keep it to yourself. I don’t make rude remarks about the people you care about, and I will not tolerate it from you either. Not anymore. It hurts. Don’t do it.